How Not To Feel Like An Imposter
Hello again, folks, this is the second issue of "Life Reliability Engineering". Today I want to take up some space in your inbox to talk about feeling like an imposter and how to deal with it. Have you ever felt like you don't know what you're doing and everyone is going to find out anytime now that you're a complete fraud who has somehow managed to convince everyone you're smart and know your shit? Welcome to the club, my friend! You suffer from imposter syndrome and you're one of us! Yay! π
I don't think it's a hyperbole to state that the very best of us suffer from imposter syndrome. At this point, I've come to believe that it's part of the human condition, especially if you work in any creative field. If someone claims that they don't suffer from imposter syndrome, they probably have an ego too gigantic to admit it. And you know what? It's okay to suffer from it. I've suffered from crippling imposter syndrome over the years, so I wanted to talk about some of the ways I've tried to tame it and how it has helped me become a better person and engineer:
Writing your accomplishments down: I can't even begin to stress how much this has helped me. Having a handy list of tangible professional accomplishments that you can refer to when you're feeling like a fraud works wonders. Write down your accomplishments - small or big - stuff you're proud of, stuff you didn't think you could do but did anyway and things like that. Spoke at a conference? Got a scholarship? Started a new job? Shipped something at work? Mentored someone? Write it all down!
Go back to it when you're feeling like shit and try to remind yourself that if you were a total fraud, you wouldn't have been able to accomplish all this in the first place. You've tangible achievements to your name which you deserve to be proud of, you're making it up all in your head to fool people! Remember that it being just in your head isn't enough because most likely your brain won't recall it fast enough when it's in imposter mode, so writing it down is important.
Accepting and reveling in the fact that you're not the smartest person in the world: (Side note: how, if at all, you can measure this and what does it even mean????) I guess everyone has their own timeline for this, but finally accepting it is, frankly, so relieving. And it has positive side effects! I'm near-constantly striving to work with folks who're smarter than me and accepting this has enabled me to learn better (and more!) from them! Don't be that person who is constantly trying to prove they're the smartest person in the room by putting other people down. Nobody likes that person. Being humble and ready to learn from other folks helps you grow better and faster and also makes you a good co-worker.
Surround yourself with people who recognize your work and worth: This one is a hit or miss in the sense that you don't really realize the importance of doing this till you actually do it. Spoiler alert: it's magical. Being surrounded by folks (friends/co-workers/community) who recognize and/or reward your work and reassure you of everything you bring to the table from time-to-time is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It's truly hard to overstate how big a difference it makes. Invest time in this early on if you can, it'll pay off later on. It's very hard to find these folks, but once you do, make sure you stick with them.
Everyone excels at different things and it's NOT a zero-sum game: This point is sort of tangentially related to the second one, but still deserves its own space. There is no superhuman person out there who is good at everything or knows everything. That's simply not possible. Different people have different areas of expertise and that's a very good thing! Maybe your strength is someone's weakness and vice-versa. It gives all of us something to learn from one another and balances things out. Someone else being good at something that's not your area of expertise doesn't take away anything from you. If anything, it gives you a chance to learn something from them and improve. Recognize and celebrating that sure helps.
NOT comparing yourself with people who have got a lot more experience than you: Comparing yourself to someone who has been around for a long time is kind of like comparing apples to oranges. It's a recipe for disaster, don't do it. If you're someone who is just starting out and compare yourself to someone who has a decade-long career, then, of course, they're gonna be doing way better than you! Simply because they've been around much longer than you have! Of course, they've put in a lot more effort than you, built a solid network, spoken at major conferences and what not! (I'm not claiming that everyone does this, but simply picking some of the most common parameters for comparison). This is doomed even before you start doing it. Whenever you start doing this, take a step back, pause and think: is this a valid comparison? Do I need to be comparing myself to anyone at all? Am I happy with where I am? What can I do to get where I want to? Because that's what matters in the end, y'know.
Realize it's a waste of time and energy: I'm a firm believer in healthy introspection, but more often than not, this isn't healthy. Obsessing over it doesn't really get you anything when all is said and done. Mostly there are no concrete takeaways and you end up being miserable and down, feeling like a fraud and that no matter how much you do, it'll never be enough. You don't need or deserve to feel that way. Following this chain of thought is probably not a good use of your time because it doesn't do anything to actually help you fix anything. Your time will be better utilized doing or thinking about something more meaningful and actionable. Acknowledging that can help you not descend down the "thinking rabbit-hole".
I can go on writing about this topic endlessly because I've battled with a lot over the years and I know it's not a battle that's going to end any time (or possibly ever!). So, for now, I've been trying to devise ways to deal with it so that I don't waste time doing this and instead put my energies into being the best software engineer I can. πͺπΌ It has been working out decently well so far. This has been long, but I hope this will help you deal with random bouts of imposter syndrome as well. β¨
Picks:
π Hyperbole and a Half
This is one of my favorite books I've read this year. It basically chronicles what it means to be human and talks about so many questions that we think about very frequently but don't necessarily talk about. It's full of beautiful and very relatable illustrations and also features gods very heavily if that's your thing.
π Leftbank Books
This is a really cool bookstore I visited in Seattle this week. They have got a neat collection of books from lots of genres that I usually haven't found in bookstores. They have got a small zine collection as well.
If you're looking to learn more about basic music theory and notation, this is a Khan Academy-style resource that I've personally found super useful.