Setting expectations…
Welcome to the first issue of Not Okay Club. I wanted to set some expectations before jumping into it. As of now, I’m not committing myself to a particular frequency to publish this newsletter. I’ve tried doing that in the past and it has always been counter-intuitive. So I’m trying to do things a bit differently this time - on my own terms.
Most of what I write about will be around mental health and well being, neurodivergency, culture and related topics. If this is your jam, you’ll definitely enjoy it. I am experimenting with the format as I write more and for now I’ve decided upon writing about one topic along with a section that includes links to interesting things I’ve consumed in the last couple of days.
Feel free to suggest different formats or anything else you feel will be better suited. Just one request: please be kind. I write from a place of immense vulnerability, so I’ll really appreciate it if you can keep that in mind.
Okay, enough housekeeping, let’s move on to the main thing…
What does it mean to be successful?
As I go through life in my 20s, I've asked myself "what it means to be successful" A LOT. As a kid who grew up without having a sense of self-worth or self-confidence, I always believed that being successful is going to be my ultimate redemption. It'll be the thing that brings me all the validation I've ever craved for in my life. Finally, people will see me and acknowledge my work. So it was very important for me to be "successful" despite not knowing what exactly it means and no matter what the personal cost.
Success, in today's day and age, has come to mean reaching the pinnacle of your job/profession, no matter what lengths you have to go to. "Work yourself to the bone", "hustle hard", "give it your all", etc., all seem to imply that being successful means going all in even if it comes at the expense of your physical health, relationships, family, mental health. It's the only thing in your life that matters and nothing else is as important. You live, breathe your job. I guess a more polite way of phrasing this is that you’re a workholic.
For a long time, I never even occured to me to question this definition. I thought that this is what worked for everyone, so this is the footprint I have to follow blindly as well, of course. This is how the “successful” people think so they must know something I don’t. Who am I to question that? The thing is, when I started questioning it, it started unravelling pretty quick.
In my opinion, we should be stopping to ask "what's the point of being successful if we're to sad/sick/depressed to enjoy any of it"? What are the trade offs of working ourselves to the bone - what is it leaving us with? Is that enough? Is it worth it? Does it make us feel good about ourselves? Because if it doesn't, then what's the point anyway? Or does it actually make us feel worse? Are we using work as an escape? What are we running from? Or toward?
Money can buy a lot of things, but it most definitely cannot buy health beyond a certain point, happiness or good relationships. They require an active investment of time and ongoing maintenance but our modern lives have somehow made us too busy for even that. It really is a pity.
I don't really know the point of this ramble?! It's something I've been thinking about a lot as I hit my mid-20s in order to figure out my priorities. I also want to be careful about the part work forms of my identity. I've been burned really bad about forming my identity around my job and it was decidedly Not Fun, would not recommend. However, that’s a story for another post.
So I guess my aim is to make you think and encourage you to question things around you. Too often we get so used to the things around we forget to ask why they are the way they are and if a different, better way is even possible. I hope this encourages you to break out of this habit even a little bit.
Interesting finds of this week
This is an experimental section and the idea is to curate a few links to books/articles/podcasts etc. that I've consumed and like in the recent past. As you can see, my interests vary a lot, so expect the most random but fascinating links here.
This 99PI episode of why English language is as chaotic as it is with so many similarly spelt words sounding completely different. It was such an interesting listen and I can't wait to pick up the book mentioned.
I've binge listened the entirety of Blood Blood: The Final Chapter which is closely following the developments of the Theranos trial currently underway in the US and would highly recommend it. I still faill to believe at some level that this actually happened because the details are just so beyond ridiculous.
The Dropout is also covering the trial and has also covered the entire saga in audio form from the beginning if you wanna refresh your memory on what went down.
This video about how supply chains work and why they've been disrupted is absolutely fascinating. It's unbelievable the amount of work that goes into getting the milk you need to your nearest store.
I hope you have a good week and I’ll hopefully be back in your inbox soon! 😊